This is my first post as you can probably tell. I wanted to make like a funky blog on life as a college girl from California. So enjoy!
You know, I’m starting to think it would be best to write these stories on paper before I start typing away on my laptop. Wouldn’t want to miss any of the juicy details. Did I do that this time? HELL NO. But I at-least thought about it lol
So I really thought long and hard about which god awful date I wanted to talk about this time. I finally settled on one that didn’t end up with me naked in anyway, which I think is a nice little switch up from the norm. LOL
So, I don’t know if this app is still popular but I met this guy on Whisper. This site isn’t supposed to be somewhere you meet people (at least not to my knowledge). I don’t remember what I had posted maybe something about needing a work out partner in the area. Of course you can imagine I had a bunch of people commenting on the post. There was one guy who seemed like he was in decent shape who wouldn’t try to like kidnap me or kill me so I thought it would be cool to work out together. Prior to deciding on when and where we could work out he wanted to meet for dinner. I was thinking sure, I love free food. LOL. Sorry but ladies you know it’s true. Plus the conversations we had were decent. He isn’t my typical type what so ever. He had BROWN EYES. I know, I know I’m shallow but this was supposed to be more of a workout partner thing anyway so I didn’t care.
He scheduled to meet up the following weekend. Prior to meeting up we exchanged phone numbers and would talk once in a while about how our days were going. He would talk to me about the workouts he was doing and now he was doing some sort of firefighter regimen of working out. I was super impressed and was hoping this would lead to something really cool since I am not the greatest at keeping up with any physical activity. However, at the time I was still in cheer so that’s the only work out I was getting. So I was in moderate shape to the point I wouldn’t sweat if I walked up a flight of stairs.
Fast forward to dinner the following weekend.
He lived in Mission Viejo and thought it would be cool to meet at the Irvine Spectrum. I thought that would be cool since it wasn’t too far from my house either. I decided I would dress a little down since I wasn’t looking to date the guy anyway. I wore a simple crop top with black leggings and some heels. I love a good heel since it makes my booty pop. 😉
He was already there before I arrived so he had a table ready by the time I got there. I called him on the phone once I walked up to the restaurant, since I didn’t want to walk around aimlessly looking for him at the table. He let me know he was wearing a plaid blue shirt and a hat. Mind you, when I walked in I saw this 300 pound white dude talking on the phone but I walked right past him.
DISCLAIMER: I know it’s not nice to talk about overweight people. I like to think now that it’s been a while I’m a changed woman and look at everyone as equals…
BACK TO THE STORY
Where was I? Oh yeah 300 pound man… So I walked by homeboy like 3 times till he finally tapped me on my shoulder. Now, not only was he about 300 pounds heavier than the picture he sent me but he didn’t even look like the same guy. I’m more than likely sure he found a randoms picture online somewhere. Me, trying not to be the shallow salty asshole that I am allowed him to hug me hello and walks back to the table he reserved.
He had already ordered a drink (not sure how I felt about that since I wasn’t late or anything). The waitress came to our table to ask if we wanted to start with appetizers but I replied no but I would greatly take a very high content alcoholic drink (not my actual words but I thought it lol). By the time she came back with my drink I was already ready to take my ass home. Homeboy (he’s not even worth a cute nickname like the other’s) had the mother effin audacity to talk about these great workouts he’s been doing with his fireman buddies. Boy, you don’t need to lie. You know damn well your ass be at home eating donuts all god damn day!! SORRY, I still need to vent about this lol.
But yeah, like I said homeboy kept trying to play the roll of Mr. Fitness Guru. I was not impressed at all but I nodded the entire time because I’m sure he doesn’t get a lot of play. Maybe after like 10 minutes of sitting there the waitress finally brought my much needed alcoholic drink. I pleaded to her with my eyes to bring me another drink, I definitely think she understood. As this little exchange is going on, Homeboy begins to talk about since he’s been working out so “intensely” he has been a babe magnet.
OH, you read that correctly. He actually said “babe magnet”. I fucking SNORTED. I just couldn’t deal any longer. He went on and on about these chicks who he dates from time to time. To say I was SALTY AF was an understatement. At this point I given myself about 10 self talks to get the F out of there. I told homeboy I needed to use the powder room and would be right back.
I was trying to ESCAPE.
I walked to the ladies room thinking there was an escape route. That would’ve been too easy though so of course there WASN’T. There was an emergency exit but I think that would’ve drawn a bit too much attention to myself. So what did I do? Turn my ass around in the direction of the table. However, as I began to talk back I realized there was a bar in the middle of the restaurant I could hide behind!!
You know what my ass did? Crawled on ALL FOURS through this bar to go through the front door. The bartenders looked at me very confused but I silenced them by putting my index finger to my lips. I fast crawled to the end of the bar and did a super jump up into a full on speed run. The hostess almost got knocked the hell out while she tried to tell me have a nice night.
Mind you, the table we were sitting at was facing the entry. So I had to get the F out and quick before he saw my ass trying to escape. While you picture me escaping, KEEP IN MIND I am wearing 4 inch heels. So as I run through the restaurant door all you hear is KLONK KLONK KLONK through the entire restaurant. I also KLONK KLONK’D all the way to the parking garage to where I parked because I wasn’t sure if he would try to follow me. As soon as I got in my car I blocked him on Whisper and my phone. I wasn’t going to take any chances lol.
On my way home I felt a tiny bit bad since I did ditch the non-date and he was left with paying for my drinks. However, he didn’t deserve my guilt.
Moral of the story, don’t hang out with someone unless you make them send you a selfie with a spoon on their head. You gotta make sure it’s really them.
I told my best friend this story and sometimes I joke that he’s probably still sitting at the restaurant waiting for me to come back from the bathroom. Lol. No but really, I’m curious how long he sat there before he realized I wasn’t coming back. I’m thinking like a solid hour…..
SORRY NOT SORRY
Welcome welcome welcome. To another edition of “As Told By Mua” where I tell you my pitiful dating experience with a little humor.
So if you can guess what happens in this story, I’m sorry if I’ve already spoiled it for you.
Like any old day of the week I was swiping my life away on Tinder, when this fine ass man with a 6 pack of steel caught my eye (oh and i have to mention he was 6’5″). You would think by now I should’ve known a guy with THAT many shirtless pics would be a crash and burn, BUT NO. We sparked up a conversation and he was nice to talk to (and majorly hot) so we met up a few weeks after Spring Break had ended.
He went to school at CSULB but was originally from a small town close to Redding, CA. I thought he was a little country bumpkin and boyyyy was I soooo right in a whole other way 😉 (sorry got side tracked lol). Anyway, we figured dinner and a movie would be a good date idea.
We met up at Buffalo Wild Wings (typical guy choice) and chowed down on some wings. I didn’t realize till after but, we had went on wing night (not that I had a problem with it but he told me to only order wings lol). I wasn’t mad at it since he was in college and I know what it’s like to live that broke life. The conversation went good, nothing memory worthy though.
Hold up, hold up. I forgot to give him a name. I’m thinking Itty Bitty. Is that mean? How about washboard abs? Nah, I don’t like that. I think I’ll just name him Frat Boy.
Back to the story…
So we chowed down on some Buffalo Wild Wings and went to the movies. And YES Frat Boy paid for our $16 meal. Lol. I can’t for the love of me remember what movie it was though because it’s been a while now but he didn’t try anything sketchy with me in the movie theater which I appreciated it. Once, the movie was over he walked me to my car like a gentleman and ONLY went in for a hug. WHAT A GENTLEMAN.
A few weeks had passed and it was a bit difficult for us to plan to hang out again since I was in cheer and he was committed to his Alpha Gamma Omega Sega LOL. However, it didn’t stop him from SnapChatting me 24/7 of pictures of him working out at the gym. Now that I think back, he probably sent that to every girl in his contact list but I wasn’t mad at it 😛 (drooling emoji lol).
The next “date” if you want to call it that was at his place in Long Beach. Which I didn’t mind since I enjoy a nice stay in date. His place was pretty nice! I had to even check in at the front to get let in with my own personal overnight guest parking slip. FANCY AF. When I got up to his apartment he had all kinds of snacks and alcoholic beverages. I swear he thought he was hosting a party. It was cute though, I guess. He made these margaritas from scratch which I thought was cool since at the time that’s all I drank (basic as hell lol). Looking back though, he could’ve roofied me since I don’t remember much after drinking the margarita. Like I remember some how laying in his bed talking about random stuff like TV SHOWS and then all of a sudden his dick was in me lol. No joke.
I remember making out with which was “alright”. And of course since I have these huge chest cannons all the white boys go crazy for them and start fondling them right away. ANYWAYS, Frat Boy started dry humping me (which I wore a dress, dumb idea on my part ). At this point though, I was probably at like a 0.06% on the alcohol scale so I mean I was aware of what was going on but it just happened so fast. Legit by the time I realized his little junior was inside of me it was OVER. Like legit I went to grab it to put it in and I realized it was a shriveled up like a little shrimp. I think I even laughed once he rolled off of me.
AND CAN YOU BELIEVE HE HAD THE NERVE TO FALL ASLEEP. I mean snoring and shit. I mean excuse my french but I was just so confused with all that I experienced. After that I looked at the time and noticed it was a little after 10pm. I got up went to the bathroom and did the hooch bath (cloth rag and soap scrub on the vag). Grabbed my keys and got out of there. I didn’t even lock the door because I was so annoyed lol.
I sent him a text when I got home I sent him a text that read “thanks for the margaritas. ” PETTY AF
A few days later he sent me a message that he had an amazing night with me and would try to see me the following weekend. You know what I did? I wrote back saying “Sorry but I think we just want different things. Stay Sexy! ”
I laughed typing that because I laugh at my own self sometimes.
Moral of the story: Don’t judge a guy by his washboard abs. He more than likely has a tiny ding dong.
On a serious note, not every guy is going to be well endowed so it is all about the motion of the ocean. However, this instance I couldn’t even give him a slight pass. HORRID. Complete WASTE of a bed count.
Last comment, he always pops up on my people you may know and now he is a “self employed model”. I literally wanna choke on his non existed wiener.
OKAY OKAY I’m DONE.
Have you ever felt like you have writer’s block and don’t know when it’ll end?
That’s how I feel.
What if my stories aren’t as funny or good as they once were?
I have plenty of stories to tell, I just don’t know where to begin….
Hello Ladies and Gentleman,
Welcome back to my fabulous stories about my not so fabulous dates. I won’t apologize for taking forever to write a new story because I practically do that with all my stories. You’re probably used to it.
Anyway~ As the title of the story states I went on a date to a Gay Club with a straight man or I at least thought was straight. Of course I do not have a problem with the LGBTQ community but I did find this instance quite odd.
So, I was swiping mostly left and then I fell upon this guy. I definitely don’t remember his name but he kinda reminded me of a math teacher who every young girl wanted to hook up with. Of course that was an automatic swipe right for me. Plus he was a red head I LOVE me a good redhead. YUM!
We matched of course and we started chatting. Funny enough he actually was a math teacher. Shootttt I was thinking he could help me with my math class (I hate statistics). We chatted for a bit talking about our interests. We both shared a passion for wine so we decided to meet up at a wine bar. I was already hearing wedding bells! Okay, maybe not really but he definitely earned some points for that.
I met him at The Winery Restaurant & Wine Bar in Irvine. It was a pretty nice place I was a little sad I didn’t get to taste their food since I had eaten right before our date which we met up at like 9pm. A girl likes to eat so I was not about to wait that late to eat. This ass didn’t get this way without good meals!! LOL.
Anyway, he sat waiting for me looking all teacher like. Literally, plaid collard shirt and one of those brown dad jackets (I’m not too fashion forward so I don’t know the correct term but I’m sure you know what I mean). I walk up wearing dark blue jeans and an off the shoulder shirt. Oh, and some cute booties. I love me some booties.
He stands up immediately after he sees me and goes in for a hug. I really love a good hug because I get to smell a man. Man pheromones are the best! They can really relax you in this sort of situation where you are meeting someone for the first time. We sat and the server took our order pretty quickly. We began talking and I learned quite a lot about him. He grew up in Irvine and attended UCI. He seemed liked a pretty nice guy. The bar was starting to close so he walked me to my car. We talked for quite some time and he was super gorgeous. He was really tall easily 6’4″ next to my 5’3 and a half frame. He leaned in to kiss me and it was sweet. Not too rough but not super innocent either. I left thinking about when the next time it would be before I saw him again. When I got home he texted me saying he couldn’t wait to hang out again. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
A few days later he messaged me saying he knew of this cool club we could go to. I hadn’t been dancing in forever so I definitely was excited to go. We ended up meeting up at the Shark Club Friday. I had NO idea it would be rainbow night.
We met up and waited in line. I knew something seemed kind of off but I couldn’t quite figure out what it was. We got inside and I noticed immediately! There were drag queens everywhere. AGAIN, I do not have a problem with LGBTQ but I was really in shock my date would take me there on a date. We went to the bar and ordered drinks. He realized the vibe of the place and asked if I was comfortable. I totally was but I didn’t know of many straight men who would be in this sort of situation. He asked if I wanted to stay and I said I didn’t mind.
The music was not my favorite (i.e. weird rave type/trance). I more of a drop it like it’s hot girl (i.e. ratchet as hell). But hey i didn’t want to ruin the date. We danced and laughed and had a good time. Towards the middle of the night things took a turn for the worst. My date started drinking heavily to the point where I wanted to vomit just by being so close to him. Then a drag queen came out to perform and he got real wild. I’m talking yelling and dry humping the air. If I didn’t know any better he probably popped some pills somewhere in this date. It really started freaking me out. I tried to walk away to get some fresh air before I lost my cool but he slapped my ass and brought his lips close to mine. To say I wanted to gag was an understatement. Like I probably chocked on my vomit while he kissed me. I tried to shimmy away from him but he was not having it. I swear he made out with my tonsils for about 5 minutes. He lost all points and I was officially over this date. I told him I had to use the restroom to get away. I stood in the bathroom pondering what I should I do? Should I leave him to his own demise or should I at least make sure he gets home okay? I decided I should probably call him an Uber because I would feel so bad if he got into a car accident.
I made it through to 2am when the club closed. He walked out and talked about how much fun he had and can’t wait to see me again. Though I thought he had good intentions he became a huge turn off. Like this date was not fun. I hated the kind of music the club played and I really tried but I just was so turned off by his behavior.
Needless to say I never returned any of his messages, or his calls, or his tinder messages, or his snap chat messages. NOTHING.
PS: If you have a gut feeling something is off there most likely is a problem. Listen to your gut because it never leads you wrong.
You have been warned…
It was spring break and I was visiting my bestest friend up in Claremont for the weekend. I didn’t have anything planned but she always gets me to get out of the house and do fun stuff so I thought I would go visit her. I had stayed the night over her house the previous night and we had planned to hang out once she had got off of work. In the meantime, I took it upon myself to hop my happy ass on to Tinder and find some new matches. Of course, I swipe left about 100 times before I find someone worthy enough to swipe right on. At first I wasn’t sure about him because he wasn’t my typical go to kind of guy. I mean he was white, with blue eyes but he had a more like goofy fun look to him if that makes sense. I was interested and swiped right and of course he did the same back 😉
We talked throughout the night and he kept asking if I wanted to meet up with him the next day. I thought it was kind of strange that this guy wanted to meet on a Thursday but hey I was going to be waiting for my friend to get off work anyway so why not. He asked if i wanted to go get ice cream. Shooooot. That’s all he had to say lol.
The next day about noon ish he texted me his address. I know what you are thinking DO NOT meet him at his house. But you know what I did? I met him at his house and got suckered into a Netflix and Ice Cream chill. LOL. He walked out side to meet me and gave me a hug. Which I thought was a nice gesture. He told me his dad was home but we could watch some movies in the living room. His family’s house was quite nice. We definitely had our own privacy with the way in which the living room was set up. I wish I remember what movie it was but I feel like it was some sort of action type movie. But give me a break this was a few years ago and I’m getting old and my memory is going bye bye. LOL.
Anyway, he had asked me what type of ice cream I had liked prior and I told him mint and chip. He brings me back this huge Dryer’s ice cream tub to eat out of. Which I thought was actually kind of cute. So we started talking about random things like where we went to school and what we wanted to be when we grew up (that sort of thing). He was actually a pretty cool guy. After a while conversation died out a little bit and that’s when he started making moves. Noe mind you his father is somewhere in this house. OH! I forgot to mention when I first got to his house when I walked in his dad was sitting at the kitchen table in his boxers and a like Hawaiian type shirt. Let’s just say he was not prepared and walked off pretty darn fast to go get dresses LOL.
Alright Fast forward back to the make out part of the story. He was actually not too bad of a kisser. I feel like you can tell a lot about a person based on their kiss. I was totally into it. At one point we were laying down horizontal on the couch just eating each other’s faces. After a while I came back up for air and realized it was starting to get late and i should get going to hang out with my friend. He said he understood but he wanted to see me tomorrow. I thought sure why not.
The next day…
The next day he told me to meet him down in Newport Beach because his family owned a beach house. I thought that was pretty cool and I said I would love to hang out with him for the day. I probably got there about 11am and parked down in Newport on this little one way street. The view was absolutely amazing. He was literally right by the beach. It was within walking distance and it would take just a bike ride to get to the pier. When I got there he greeted me with a kiss which was super sweet of him to do. I really kinda dug this guy. Upon entering the house I realized that everyone in his family must have wanted to spend their Friday at the beach. I ended up meeting his two aunts and his grandma. To say I felt a little uncomfortable is an understatement. I knew going into this that I probably wouldn’t seem him again because of spring break being over. I went to school in LA and he went to school in Davis. Those two places are not close to each other what so ever.
Anyway, I met all of them and they seemed pretty nice. Goofy Guy ended up saying we should go get some food. We biked to this little taco place called Great Mex. It was pretty darn good and I am a sucker for tacos! We again had random conversation and it was never awkward. We decided to head back because he said he had something else planned for me. We got back and we put the bikes back in the garage. He had this boat in there and he said we were going to take it for a spin. Can I tell you that boat ride was so fun. We got to see all these other really nice yachts and boats. It was exhilarating to say the least! He even let me steer! I was a little nervous though because I did NOT want to wreck his boat. But I didn’t so woot woot! We ended up stopping in the middle somewhere and he put country music on. I had told him how I was looking forward to going to Stage Coach so I’m assuming that’s why he did that! Which again I thought was so sweet of him for remembering. Not only that but he pulled out a bottle of red wine! He literally paid attention to everything I had ever told him. Which again was super super sweet. At that moment I knew we were both getting some that night! LOL. We ended up falling asleep out there on the boat. Which I think was super romantic. I fell asleep to him humming a country song. Eventually the sun started to set and we both thought it would be good to head back. When we got back his family had ordered Mexican food and invited me to stay for dinner. I can never say no to Mexican food even though we ate it for lunch. His grandma asked me what I like to drink which I’m assuming she meant like some sort of tea or lemonade. I was completely wrong and she meant alcoholic drink. She was having a Gin and Tonic and I said I would have whatever she was drinking. Boy, one sip of that I felt like I was drunk. We ended up having a real good time. It was starting to get later and later and eventually Goofy Guy said he thinks it would be a good idea if I stayed over because he didn’t feel comfortable with me driving home with alcohol in his system. His grandma had no problem with it she just said we would have to sleep in different rooms.
Eventually, the family all started heading off to bed while we were watching movies on the couch. Probably about a hour after everyone went to bed I thought it was time to work my magic. I pulled him by the hand and pulled him into the room in which I would be sleeping. I started kissing on him, his lips, his neck. I was so into it. He finally caught on to what I was trying to start and he began to kiss me aggressively which I was all about. I got on top of him since that is my signature move and rode him into ecstasy. His, not mine. HE LASTED LIKE 2 MINUTES and that is me being generous. To say I was annoyed it an understatement. I mean come on. I know I’m good but not that good. So I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt since he probably hadn’t done it in a while. I told him we should head back to the living room to finish watching the movie. The movie ended probably about 30 minutes later and I thought I would attempt sex again. I pulled him back into the room and got back on top. This time it was probably FOUR MINUTES. FOUR FUCKING MINUTES! Can you believe that? I was so disappointed. He ended up kissing me good night and walking into the room he would be sleeping in. I went to bed so let down I’m surprised I even fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up to the smell of pancakes so of course I got my hungry ass up to investigate. His grandmother invited me over to sit down and eat breakfast with her. She started talking about Goofy Guy as a kid and his older sister. I definitely felt bad because she was so sweet but so naive. I knew I would never see this guy again especially as god awful the sex was. I mean come on. I gave him 2 chances to redeem himself but he let me down LOL. His grandma started talking about how I should come down in a few weeks when his sister comes down so I can meet her. I told her it sounded fun but I would be starting school again so I didn’t want to promise her anything. I realized it was starting to get later in the morning and I had to go to work. I took a shower at their place and went back into the bedroom to get my stuff. I realized as I was grabbing everything the sheets had blood on them. PERIOD BLOOD. I fucking started my period that night as I f*cked Goofy Guy. At that point I had to make a decision leave the sheets how they were and cover them by the comforter or steal the sheets and let them think I’m a thief. I picked the first option. Leave them there and let him have to explain the mess. It definitely looked like we had sex because the aftermath of it was spotty and not all in one place. I felt bad but didn’t since my vagina wasn’t used wisely.
I then headed off to work.
He texted me a few days later saying he had a lot of fun but he wasn’t sure if a long distance relationship would work. I found this almost comical. Boy, even if you didn’t live in Davis I wouldn’t be with you. I can’t date a guy whose sex last 2 minutes. I mean personality wise he was great but if you can’t satisfy my hunger it isn’t going to work. It was nice to know you though 😉
And that was it.
I’m kind of curious though who discovered the bloody sheets. The world may never know…
Sorry for posting super late but I just finished with school and finals! I’m finally a graduate!!! WOOT WOOT.
So last time I think I left off me telling my job that I would be requesting a month off to fly to Washington…
I thought it would be best to have my car there while I was there since that is such a long time to be dependent on people. I drove with my younger brother up there. Now let me tell you. LONGEST CAR RIDE OF MY LIFE. I made stops only to eat, use the bathroom and pump gas. It was about 1300+ miles from where I lived at the time. I think the overall trip took about 18 hours. I never realized how long California truly was until I had to drive through it! It was seriously the longest part of the whole thing. To get through Oregon it took maybe 4 hours. RIDICULOUS.
Eventually, I arrived at my destination. Exhausted beyond belief but my older brother wanted to celebrate since my younger brother just turned 21. So before I begin this next story DO NOT JUDGE ME. I do not drink like ever and when I do it’s never usually 2 drinks maximum because I can’t handle myself. So again DO NOT JUDGE FOR WHAT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN…
My older brother as I stated earlier thought it would be a great idea to go out since it was my brother’s 21st birthday so we went to the local bar downtown. I invited my German Guy to come down and he did. Since I was so pumped to be free from any responsibilities I thought it would be good to let loose. And boy did i let loose. I order a bunch of drinks and I was sippin’ all my groups drinks (which was a BAD decision) but in the moment it was good. I started dancing up on German Guy and I swear I like grabbed him so rough and just started making out with him in front of everyone. That isn’t usually my M.O. but I was feeling it. I was literally playing tonsil hockey in the middle of the dance floor. I know to him I was coming off really aggressive because he even told me he felt uncomfortable doing that with everyone around including my brothers. In that moment though I had no care in the world. Eventually, it was time to leave the club and I had no idea how drunk I was until I got in German Guy’s car. When I sat down it all hit me. I was beyond sick. My stomach was starting to turn and I knew at any moment I was gonna barf. I knew it was coming so I told German Guy “Pull over, right now!”. He was like no not yet because we are on the freeway. I responded with, “If you don’t want your fancy car filled with vomit I would pull over NOW!” I swear I growled. LOL. He pulled over (Thank God!). I was so drunk that when I opened the door I fell out and rolled down the little hill of the freeway. Talk about embarrassing! So after I gained a little bit of my dignity back I got up and started walking towards the car. I felt my stomach rumble and I was like ugh-oh. I then farted like extremely loud and at that point German Guy got out of his car and began taking his shirt off because he noticed I had vomited on myself. Only as he began walking to me my stomach began to get worse and instead of farting the second time I pooped. No I literally POOPED MY F*CKING PANTS. At that moment all I wanted to do is run away and never look back. Instead German Guy told me to get in the car. To try to save myself from more embarrassment I told him I think i should just call my brother because I felt embarrassed. At that moment he got really mad and told me to get the HELL IN THE CAR. I did and then I passed out. I remember after that being in the shower still fully clothed. In my mind I thought maybe I got away with shitting my pants and you know maybe he didn’t know. However, I saw the door open to the bathroom and I tried to close it. Then again, I blacked out. I woke up the next day and i looked down to see I was wearing a man’s shirt and no pants. I look to the right and German Guy is sitting in bed with his arms crossed looking down and me really upset. My game plan at that moment was to play it off like I knew nothing of what happened last night. I said “Good Morning” with a smile on my face. He didn’t say good morning back though. Instead he said “I can’t date a girl who gets that drunk and isn’t able to control herself. You know you shit yourself last night.” When he said that I swear I turned about 50 shades of red and said “No I didn’t.” and covered my mouth. At that moment I should have one an Oscar for my performance because I could not let him know I really knew what happened. After that though we talked it out and i explained to him I never get that drunk but i was just really excited to be withe everyone i kind of lost control. He said he understood but he said that couldn’t happen again. I’m honestly surprised he let that go.
Anyway, days passed by and I felt like everything was going pretty good between us. He would cook me breakfast (which basically consisted of about 15 eggs).
Side Note… I can’t bare to even eat eggs anymore because that’s all i had for breakfast for a month straight.
I in turn would make lunch or dinner depending if we hung out with my brother and his family or not. The sex was great besides the fact he had this weird fascination with eating ass. I was really uncomfortable with it but I didn’t want to ruin our relationship so I let him do it. But best believe I showered right before we were going to get it on because he would always kiss me after. Who wants to kiss their own ass? NOT ME. He also like to do really weird stuff like cum on my body. Being the bougie black girl that I am did NOT ALLOW him to do that on my face. Heck to the NO. That was not going to fly and he learned that very quickly. Let’s just say our sex life was good but all he did was cater to himself. He cared nothing about me and my needs. I unfortunately did not realize that till later because in the moment it was something I had never experienced before. It was raw, rough, and so masculine the things he would do to me.
Week 2 of me living out there his car almost got towed. I felt bad for him so I offered to pay for it not to. I guess where he lived it was permit parking and he had lost his. He promised to pay me back and I waived it off because it wasn’t a big deal at the time. As we began to spend more and more time together I wondered why he never did anything besides eat, gym, and hang out with his friends. I found out during my last visit he didn’t have a job which should have been a red flag but I ignored it. I knew he had some sort of inheritance he was living off of so that’s how he was able to afford his extravagant lifestyle. I was a littler turned off by it though because I have worked for everything I have ever gotten and here he was flaunting his wealth he didn’t work for but again he was fine as hell so I let it slide.
Typically, I am an average build being that I played sports all throughout high school and cheered during my college years. However, German Guy would always try to get me to go to the gym with him. I never wanted to go because I felt like that was his time to decompress and get out of the house. At times though I got the feeling he thought I could use the gym and he made me feel really self conscious about my body. I swear he once even made a comment like “are you sure you want to order that”. I don’t know why the hell I didn’t get out of the relationship after that but I always find reasons to stay.
Also, while I was there I was able to spend time with my brother which I absolutely loved because we didn’t grow up int he same household so it felt amazing we were able to form such a great bond. My brother even though he’s about almost 30, married, with kids always liked tot go out on weekends and drink. After my poop episode I wouldn’t drink but I would still go out because I LOVE to dance! Anyway, the town in which my brother lives is super small so everyone knows everyone. Eventually, word got out that I was shacking with German Guy and he was popular. Girls envied me which I didn’t care because that just showed how fine I must have been LOL. It bothered me though that he had slept with about half the town. I even bumped into one of his long term girlfriends which made me a little uncomfortable. What upset me about the whole situation is I learned a lot of stuff about him that he never thought to tell me.
Things I Found Out That He Should Have Told Me:
- He does not have an inheritance but his grandmother pays all of his bills. This 27 year old man doesn’t work but expects for his life of luxury to be paid for.
- Not only does he have a DUI but he has 3
- His last offense he had was 2 years before he met me. I doubt he has matured that much since then.
- He was FUCKING ENGAGED a year ago. Idk but I feel like that is important to tell someone that you have move their life around to come live with you.
To say I was furious is putting it nicely. I didn’t want to come off as being this crazy black girl for finding information on him so I would just drop little hints hoping he would give in and just admit to some of this stuff. The sad part is he never did. We slowly started fading apart once it was getting closer to when I had to leave. He stopped coming home and would spend more and more time with his friends. This hurt me because I wouldn’t have even been there if it weren’t him. I was there to be with him. Now don’t get me wrong I wasn’t completely lonely because his brother was such a great guy and we ended up boding quite a bit. We both played Xbox and we would stay up and play Destiny when it first came out and we nerded out together for the first 2 weeks so that kept me busy but still. At one point I was dating his brother without the romance if that makes since.
One of the reasons I think he began getting distant is because I would begin to talk about what I wanted to accomplish in life and how I was working towards that in California. Whenever I would bring up my home he would totally shut down. He knew where I lived so I think that was bad on his part to start to dislike me for that. At the end of the day he knew I would have to go back home.
Another reason why I think he started to shut down was the fact he went to the doctor’s and found out he had a low sperm count. I guess he felt like less of a man. I swear after he got that news he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore because he felt like he wasn’t in the right state of mind.
You would think after such a shitty past he has and the fact that he has no job and the fact that during sex I never orgasm he would be a little grateful that a girl who has a lot to offer is interested in him would be enough. But it wasn’t. I felt played.
To top it off. The week before I left he asked me if I could help him put a down payment on his college tuition. My dumbass being so in LUST with him felt bad so I did. I paid $500 of my own hard earned money towards this loser’s college tuition.
Not to long after I left I would message him to see where we stood. He ended up breaking up with me over Facebook Messenger can you believe that? He said that he felt bad but right now in his life it would be too hard to balance a girlfriend. So you had me live out there with you for a summer just to get laid and then be like “it’s not working out”. Why even come out there. Plus I paid for EVERYTHING while I was there including groceries, gas, and whatever else came up. His grandma was over paying for his stuff and she basically was like you need to man up. When I was leaving I found out his grandma was over paying his rent so he ended up getting evicted.
I was beyond pissed at that point for allowing myself to get played. I told him I expected to be paid soon and he said he would pay me back once he got a job. Months went by with no word of repayment. I happened to check my credit card for some reason and I got charged again for the following semester. WHICH ENDED UP BEING A $1000!! To say I was pissed was an understatement. I threatened to have my bank mark it as fraud so he could get in trouble for it. He pleaded for me not to and promised he would start making monthly payments. 2 years later and he still owes me $300. F*CKING PRICK.
The saddest part is he had the audacity to message me about 2 years later and say he wishes he could start over with me and misses the sex. Not that he misses the sweet and caring person who took care of him when he had nothing. All he cared about was sex.
Ladies if you see red flags in a man. GET OUT! Get out while you can. Trust me. I learned so much about myself and learned what not to want in a man. I let myself get tricked into the whole looks thing that I completely let personality, class, etc get pushed to the corner. I mean i’m still pretty shallow but not my expectations in a man is much higher. He must be fine as hell, with a car, and doesn’t live at home with mom.
Germany Guy had just sent me a copy of his itinerary. We began talking pretty much day and night after that. Again, keep in mind I had just broken up with my ex boyfriend and I was still kind of getting over that. Despite the fact that I was the one that broke it off it still effected me at the end of the day because I thought he was going to be my forever.
Fast forward to the week he came to visit me…
So even though he was coming to visit me I still couldn’t take off work because I took my job very seriously and I was an assistant manager at a boutique and retail is every single day. However, that happened to be the week school was out so I had two off days in which we could hang out all day and get to know each other better. He flew in the third week of June and we met up after work. I got off about 5pm but I brought spare clothes because I wasn’t quite sure what he had planned for the night. He booked his hotel at the Shorebreak Hotel in Huntington Beach. I’m assuming he was just trying to show off at this point but whatever he had me biting out the palm of his hand. I ended up meeting him on Main Street at this restaurant called Avila’s El Ranchito. It was a cute little Mexican food place and I’m a sucker for Mexican food. We just talked about normal stuff like all of our favorite things to do and what we aspired to be when we “grew” up so to speak. All I remember was falling into his spell and I was completely lusting over this man I had barely spent any time with.
After that he invited me back up to his room to “hang out”. I already knew what that could possibly mean but as I stated earlier I was so used to just being with one man I just wanted to do something different than anything I had done before. LIVE and LET LOOSE.
We ended up going back to his hotel and he had chocolate covered strawberries waiting for me when we got back. He KNEW he got me lol. But of course I still accepted the lovely strawberries because I mean free food is always great in my book. After I ate ALL of the strawberries we again just laid down and just talked about life. I remember at one point he leaned in and kissed me. At first it was sweet and innocent but it definitely grew into more as time passed. After about 20 minutes of sucking each others faces off I decided to call it a night. I just didn’t feel comfortable taking it to that next step so fast. I think honestly I was just too self conscious and just felt like such a “beginner” in that department I didn’t want to disappoint especially because I was so nervous I was shaking. He understood and kissed me goodnight on the forehead.
The next morning we woke up quite early because he decided to take me to Disneyland. I’m telling you this guy was good! He had never been before since he was born and raised in Washington. He knew it was a place that I absolutely loved and he wanted to take me there. To say that I could cry is an understatement. We went to Disneyland and I had the absolute best time of my life. I showed him all my favorite spots like the Dole Whip stand to get their famous pineapple float and after that we raced to the Indiana Jones ride which is a MUST DO right in the beginning of your trip. Then after that we raced to the Space Mountain ride to get a fast pass and wait in that 2 hour line. It was so great to be able to enjoy Disneyland with someone who has never gone before. Typically, guys don’t tend to like Disneyland since there aren’t big roller coasters throughout the entire park so I made sure to keep him enthused the whole time. We also went to California Adventure towards the middle of the day so we could see what else they had to offer. I had not been on the Tower of Terror ride before so I was a little nervous. (Rides that just go straight down are not my favorite what so ever). However, I knew it would be good if we just went on it because he probably wouldn’t get the opportunity to do it again. The whole time I had my eyes closed just waiting to drop and he held on to my hand and leaned into me and whispered “don’t worry I’m right here”. I honestly felt so safe with him in that moment that I knew that was the night it would all happen.
So of course that night we got it on! Lol. I’ll spare you the really juicy details but it all started when he jokingly asked me if I wanted to shower with him and to his surprise I said yes. Then it carried into the bedroom and that was that.
The next day we decided to have a more relaxing day and hang out at the beach. I’m not big on going into the middle of the ocean and drowning so I only go about hip length and just kind of like wade. He on the other hand wanted to experience all of California and rented a surf board to ride the waves. And LET ME TELL YOU.. he looked SOOOOO GOOD. You should’ve seen him in his tight body suit and his blonde hair wet from the water. MMMM MMMM. Delicious 😉 LOL. At the end of it we ended up sunbathing (not that I needed it) and fell asleep under the light of the sun. Eventually, we woke back up and decided we should probably eat. We decided on BJ’s since it was within walking distance and had a light dinner. We of course ended the night with me back at his place. The last two days he was there we kind of just walked around the beach and just truly enjoyed each others company. He asked if I would want to continue this and come visit him the next time. I told him I wasn’t sure because I took my job seriously and I just hated to request time off. He told me to think about it. I remember looking into his baby blues and it was a difficult face to say goodbye to. I ended up driving him to the airport and the whole time I was just thinking did I want this? Was it worth the risk? Do long distance relationships really work out in the end?
A week later I booked a flight to Washington for his birthday weekend…..
I flew out there the the week of July 17th since that was his birthday. I told my brother I was coming to visit him but I didn’t tell him the reason why I flew 1300 miles out to Washington for the guy I met at his wedding. I got to my brother’s house and loved being able to spend time with his family but I was on a mission LOL. I called up German Guy and told him to come pick me up so we can hang out. He showed me all of Washington (well atleast the part where he was from which was a hour south of Seattle). It was beautiful being able to see everything. We even went on a few hikes which was really fun and again I had such a blast. The week flew by so quick I barely had time to blink. Last thing I knew it was Saturday the day of his birthday and the day before I was expected to be back home in California. I had learned while I was there he had a DUI in the past and so he doesn’t drink any more due to that. When he told me that I was taken aback but I tried not to judge him because he told me how he had a trouble past and BOTH OF HIS PARENTS COMMITTED SUICIDE! To say I was shocked is an understatement. He literally told his whole story to me that week and I’m grateful he felt comfortable enough to share that with me. He was 7 years old when he found his mother drowned in their bathtub. His father hung his self from the stress with having to do with his new role as caretaker and he found out his wife had been having an affair with a preacher. It was all too much for the both of them so they took their own life. By this point I felt so bad for him and all I wanted to do was protect him. (Cheesy I know but it was how I felt)
Anyway… back to the day of his birthday. He wanted to go out with his friends to a club because again he hadn’t been in such a long time. We first went out to eat at this place similar to Benihanas and it was cool because I had never eaten at a place like that before. I was a little bummed though he didn’t offer to pay for my food. But, I couldn’t be upset because it was his birthday so I offered to pay for both of ours. We went to the club and he wanted to order a drink. He then told me he realized he left his wallet at home and only had his I.D. I blew it off and thought it was an honest mistake so I ordered him a round of drinks and his friends paid for the rest. At one point he went to the bathroom and I was left to fend for myself with the millions of sweaty bodies that were at this club. This guy decided it was the perfect opportunity to come talk to me and put his hand on my arm as if I knew him. I then told him to get off of me and stepped back. German Guy saw this and got mad at me. I had know idea who the guy was and he got mad I even “allowed” this to happen. EXCUSE ME! I didn’t want this guy to touch me and he shouldn’t have expected me to have wanted to either. Anyway, he gave me the third degree and had the nerve to say “I’m lucky after seeing that I just didn’t leave you here by yourself”. I decided to just let that go since he was intoxicated and this was the first time he had ever shown that side to him. We proceeded to leave the club because I felt like it was the best thing to do at that point.
We get back to his house and I needed his brothers help to get him to get in the house. He said he still wanted to dance and his night wasn’t over. Boy, was he wrong. Lol. Anyway, I finally get him in bed and start packing up my stuff when his brother begins talking to me. He warned me that if I wasn’t serious about his brother I should just let him go after this. He proceeded to tell me his brother has been hurt in the past and he doesn’t know if he can get him through that again. I understood and told him my intentions.
As I flew back into my house he texted me asking if I made it back safe. He then sent me this long paragraph about how he wants to continue to see me and he already missed me. After that he said to know if we were meant to be we need to see each other for a long period of time. I agreed….
And I gave my boss a 2 month notice that I would be gone out of the state FOR A WHOLE MONTH. YUP! I did it. I took a leap into unknown territory…
Stay Tuned for Part 3 😉
The Guy Who Swept Me off My Feet From My Boyfriend…
So, at the time I was with my boyfriend of 6 years and things were going downhill really fast. I was unhappy. I knew it and I just could not break it to him. I knew it would break his heart. So, I stayed in this relationship miserable. Nothing about him attracted me to him. I didn’t even want to touch him let alone have sex with him. I needed to get out and I didn’t know how I was going to do it.
My older brother was getting married of May of 2014 and I was to be a bridesmaid. I flew out there the weekend of Memorial weekend and was really excited to go because I needed a break from life. I had never been to Washington State before and it was absolutely beautiful. Trees everywhere and it was so green. I traveled there with my dad and sister so it was great to have a little family reunion because we all don’t get to see each other often.
The night we flew in was the day before the wedding. By the time we drove from Seattle up North it was late and we all went to bed. We started getting ready for the wedding together and I posted a picture and tagged everyone in it. Right before the wedding started I received a lot of congrats for my brother but there was one comment that stood out from the rest. This blonde hair blue eyed German guy commented asking what the address was for the wedding and had a mutual friend which was my brother. I sent him the address and he said thanks.
As the reception was underway the same guy who asked for the address walked through the door and I was completely stunned. He was even better looking in person. To say I was head over heels would be an understatement. He came in wearing a trucker hat backwards and a tight v neck. UGH. My sister was asking me if that was the guy I was talking about it. It was and she knew it. I could not help but to look at him. I would eat a bite of food and stare. Then, go grab some dessert and stare. Etc, Etc. I just could not help it. I don’t think I’ve ever been that attracted to a man in my life.
So, it was time for the dancing part of the reception and everyone was having fun and being goofy when German guy walks up to me and says thank you. We began talking about random stuff and how I was related to the groom. He then asked if I was married and I said no but I am in a serious relationship. He then said but are you happy. I didn’t respond. I wasn’t happy and I knew it.
It was starting to get late and my family and I started talking about how I had to leave the next day. The German Guy as well as my family said I should stay at least one more day since I didn’t really get to experience Washington. I told them all I couldn’t because I had work the next day and I have responsibilities. I did tell them I will hang out with them all night though and just be tired later.
We ended up taking the party to someones house and drank. I typically don’t drink and I get drunk pretty quick it’s almost pathetic. No it is pathetic lol. So we were all hanging out and German Guy came to hang out and my dad was giving him the 3rd degree which was totally unnecessary. My dad being the asshole that he is would drop hints like my daughter is dating someone and what about such and such. We weren’t doing anything but there was a lot of flirting going on which wasn’t appropriate.
I don’t even remember getting back to my brothers house. Next thing I know its noon and I missed my freaking flight! I was so pissed off at myself to allowing this to happen. I almost think my brother turned my alarm off just so that I can stay another day.
So somewhere in the night before German Guy and I exchanged numbers. I texted him and said I missed my flight. He was all to eager to take me out. I didn’t want this to seem like a date so I asked if I could bring my sister. He said sure and he said he would pick me up in a hour.
He shows up in his really nice car (some sort of Audi) and he has someone in the back seat. He walks up and opens the door for me which I thought was super gentlemanly of him and introduced me to his brother who was kind of like the complete opposite of him. Super rugged and bald lol. Not to say he was ugly but he didn’t give me the same vibe as his brother.
German Guy took me to this boardwalk and we walked along it just talking about what we wanted to accomplish in life. We eventually got to the end of the boardwalk and he bought me a hot chocolate. It was sooo sweet. However, out of nowhere it started raining so we had to run back to the car all wet. He dropped me back off at my brothers and told me how much of a good time he had with me. I thanked him and that was it.
I flew back home and was glad I had a break from reality for just a second.
I got home and I knew then and there I needed to end things with my boyfriend. I felt bad but I knew I couldn’t just live being unhappy. It was an awful break up full of tears and non stopping calling..
A week later German Guy messaged me and asked how I was and I told him what happened. I could tell he was happy about it but he gave me space. However, he sent me an itinerary showing he booked a flight for the middle of August to come see me……
(I think I’m going to write this story in 3 different parts because it’s such a dramatic story in the end and I think it’s worth mentioning every detail)
I cannot STAND a cheapskate. Why even go out if you don’t have money or don’t want to spend money. Stay your ass at HOME! Ugh.
This is the story of a guy I saw once in a while who NEVER wanted to pay for anything..
As usual, I met him on Tinder and we hit it off pretty well and decided to meet up. He worked for NASA and he was some super nerdy science guy. We met at the Bodega Wine Bar in Pasadena. It was a great place for a date because it was super intimate and it wasn’t super loud or full of people so we were able to talk. He showed up wearing a sweater vest which was SUPER adorable and he was just so cute. Or at least I thought. We talked over wine and some appetizers because I wasn’t too hungry and I wanted to be able to talk instead of stuffing my face too much. He talked about his family dynamic and that he originally from Wisconsin and came out here for work. He was really cute and had these little dimples to DIE for. It started to get late and we decided to call it a night because it was the middle of the week and we both had either work or school the next day. The waiter came and gave us the bill and he put down his exact amount on the table so I could pay the rest. I thought to myself maybe he didn’t bring any other money so whatever I paid. After that he walked me to my car and gave me a small kiss on my lips. Nothing over the top but enough to know he probably would’ve jumped the bones if we weren’t in public.
The weekend came and no text, no call, no nothing. At that time Tinder let you see when the last time they logged on and I would get annoyed every time because he FREAKING had been on the site but never messaged me. I never wanted to be that girl who waited around to see if a guy would message. Luckily, I was talking to a few other people so it didn’t bother me too much but he seemed like a really nice guy.
The next week he messaged me on Monday and said he went out to Florida to some sort of EDC like rave and so he didn’t want to message me while he was gone. Which I get but like dang he could have atleast been like “hey, i’m going to be out of town and i’ll message you when i get back” or something. I mean that can’t be too much to ask but whatever.
So we met up about 2 weeks later and we decided to hang out in Pasadena at an Indian food restaurant Akbar Cuisine of India. I have never tried Indian food so I was really excited to try it. I wasn’t super hungry so I got this like mini plate and we shared rice. We caught up on recent events and shared really good conversation. It was time for the restaurant to close and the waiter gave us our bill. I fake reached for my wallet and he said “I would feel bad if you paid since I ate most of the food, otherwise I would let you pay.”Which I thought excuse you??? You wanted to split the bill? I know this is me being a little sexist but I mean you would think he would pay for our dinner date since he is the one who asked me out. I let it slide though but I should have known.
Anyway, we started walking to our separate cars and he asked if I would like to come back to his place. Of course being the naive girl that I was like sure. I followed by him and he lived maybe about 15 minutes away from where we ate dinner. We get back to his place and it looked like a total bachelor pad. A mess! He shirts thrown all over the place and a bunch of shit like (a BIKE right by the door, a guitar, and skis). I wanted to hopefully assume he had just moved in but I know this was not the case. Before we got to his place we were talking about different types of music we liked. He was into Indie type music which is not something I had ever been in to but I was interested to see what he like. So he brought out his laptop and he let me play around on it and we played different songs. I really started to laugh when I realize he had Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift on his laptop. He laughed it off and said “It’s catchy”. Which I thought was super adorable. After a while we decided to turn the tv on and watch a movie. We settled on Babadook which was a really interesting movie. I love scary movies so I was thrilled he picked this one. We got through the whole movie without him being too frisky which I was surprised about. After the movie that’s when the real action happened.
He reached out to grab my neck and he began to kiss me. Obviously, it escalated and before I knew it I was dry humping him on his couch. Lol. ( I’m starting to see a pattern here.) It started getting crazy and this his shirt was off and my shirt was off. Let me tell you. I am NOT a fan of chest hair. I don’t mind a little bit but this man had a whole 4 of pound GROUND BEEF on his chest. It was a turn off! But, I still let the night keep going. Eventually, he picked me up and walked me to the bed. I knew by this point it was going DOWN. But, I was down for it because it had been a while and I was starting to have cobwebs down there. Anyway, so we do the deed which I must admit wasn’t too bad. I can’t say it was the best thing ever but it definitely wasn’t the worst. It was okay.
Of course, I ended up falling asleep and woke up about 5am to head home. We both woke up at the same time and he tried to get more out of me but I was not having it. One, I was still mad he didn’t want to pay for my dinner and 2 his breath smelled like ass. I got up and he asked if i wanted to brush my teeth. He had a spare toothbrush which I thought was nice but also weird because i was starting to think this was a sort of cycle for him. After that we both headed out and I did the walk of shame to my car.
After that we hadn’t talked in a while so I decided to message him. We decided to meet up to catch a movie in a few weeks. The Longest Ride was coming out and I couldn’t wait to see that movie. As usual, we met on a weekday which was convenient for the both of us due to work and school. We meet at the movie theater and we both stand in line to get ready to buy a ticket. At this point, he decides to walk ahead of me and say “One ticket for the Longest Ride” He’s lucky I really wanted to see that movie or I would have left his ass right then and there. We get inside the movie theater and he asks if I want to buy any food or drinks for myself. AGAIN. CHEAP AS HELL. I said no and continued to walk into the movie. I am a big baby when it comes to romance and about halfway through the movie and he starts laughing at me. RUDE! I mean I wasn’t mad but like dang he could at least been playful about it. He was legitimately being kind of snobby about it. After the movie was over we headed back to his place. I know, i know pathetic right. I just wanted one more last hoorahhh before I kicked his ass to the curb.
We did our do and I got the hell out of there.
I just could not. This guy works for NASA and lives in Pasadena. He had money but was being cheap as hell. I just could not anymore.
From time to time he would message me asking to hang out and i would just ignore him. I mean don’t get me wrong I wasn’t expecting him to Facebook official me but the least he could do his pay for my dinner or a movie ticket. Geez Louise. Since then i have definitely set my expectations higher.
Moral of the Story: If he can’t buy a movie ticket he can’t buy your kitty. No I’m kidding that’s prude. But seriously chivalry is not dead and there are plenty of guys that will be gentlemanly enough for a cheap date like something as simple as a movie ticket. Know your worth!
As the title states a date that turned upside completely by this guy who was ballsy enough to ask me for a BJ. This was one of my very first Tinder dates and I was completely appalled after the date. You would think I would have given Tinder up after that but I didn’t. Anyway here’s the story….
So as mentioned above it was my first time trying out Tinder. I was a young hopeful city girl looking to get into the dating scene. I was completely oblivious of what was actually out there.
This guy whose name I forgot because he was a douche anyway asked me to dinner in Santa Monica at this place called Hillstone. It was a pretty cool place and I had never dined in Santa Monica so it was something different. He seemed like a pretty cool guy. He was originally from Michigan and talked a lot about family as well as what he did for fun. I talked about being new to college and I had just joined the cheer team which took up most of my time. As time came to order he decided it was best to order for me. EXCUSE ME. Do I look like I need you to order for me? Also, if you were going to order for me in the first place why the hell did you even “allow” me to look at the menu. Trifilin’
Anyway, I decided to let that slide because maybe he had been to the restaurant before and wanted me to taste a little bit of everything they had to offer. The conversation was going well besides that and it was time to go. When the bill came he quickly set down his black card to pay. I didn’t even offer to pay after that. Since he was so fancy to have a black card. And yes! I was judging a little bit but oh well.
Fast forward to when we were walking back to the parking lot he asked if I wanted to come back to his place to hang out a little longer. I agreed. (I know I know, very predictable). I knew I wasn’t going to have sex with him but I didn’t think there would be harm in letting the date last a little longer since I had nothing to really go back to at home.
We get to his swanky condo in Santa Monica and it’s one of those places where you needed to have a key to both enter and exit which could ultimately backfire on me. However, being that I was young and naive I said fu*k it. We enter his place and I must say it was nicely decorated. He stated he had a roommate but he was never home so we wouldn’t be “bothered”. In my head I was thinking (boy if you don’t slow your roll) but I decided against saying that. We decided to check to see the TV what was playing. Obviously since it was well after 10pm there was close to nothing on so he decided to put it on Netflix. OF COURSE that is the go to but whatever. So we decided to watch some sort of action movie. I feel like it was the movie 300 or Gladiator. Almost instantly he decides to attack me and go straight to my mouth. At the time, I had just gotten out of a really long relationship so in my mind I was like (is this what dating is like?) and allowed it to happen.
It started getting pretty steamy and I would stop and come up with some lame excuse like I couldn’t breathe or that it was hurting my back to sit in that position. LOL looking back it’s almost comical.
So eventually I was getting pretty over it because by that point I was just like this is boring and I want to go home. He then starts to almost like push my head past his head. At this point I’m thinking like does he like want me to give him a hickey or what. I put my head backup and then he says “CAN YOU JUST LIKE, SUCK MY D*CK”. The F*CKING NERVE of that guy. Can you freaking believe that. UGH! But I had to be nice about it because then I probably would’ve been trapped there since I don’t exactly have the key to get out. So I put on my little sweet and innocent voice and said ” I’ll save that for the next date ;)” just saying those words made me want to gag. He actually fell for it and said okay I’ll walk you out because it’s getting late. Of course, now that he wasn’t getting what he wanted he wanted me out.
After that I got to my car and zoomed out of there quickly as hell. I messaged him one word “douchebag” and blocked him. I’m sure he got the hint after that.
Moral of the story: don’t let guys think because they bought you dinner they deserve a nice little BJ because they don’t. Know your worth.
Oh! And by the way he was no where NEAR hot enough to have demanded a BJ! HMMMPH. I mean he was attractive but not THAT attractive.
Urban Dictionary: Trifilin’ =