Dating · Uncategorized

The One Night Stand’s Grandma Made Me Breakfast

It was spring break and I was visiting my bestest friend up in Claremont for the weekend. I didn’t have anything planned but she always gets me to get out of the house and do fun stuff so I thought I would go visit her. I had stayed the night over her house the previous night and we had planned to hang out once she had got off of work. In the meantime, I took it upon myself to hop my happy ass on to Tinder and find some new matches. Of course, I swipe left about 100 times before I find someone worthy enough to swipe right on. At first I wasn’t sure about him because he wasn’t my typical go to kind of guy. I mean he was white, with blue eyes but he had a more like goofy fun look to him if that makes sense. I was interested and swiped right and of course he did the same back πŸ˜‰


We talked throughout the night and he kept asking if I wanted to meet up with him the next day. I thought it was kind of strange that this guy wanted to meet on a Thursday but hey I was going to be waiting for my friend to get off work anyway so why not. He asked if i wanted to go get ice cream. Shooooot. That’s all he had to say lol.


The next day about noon ish he texted me his address. I know what you are thinking DO NOT meet him at his house. But you know what I did? I met him at his house and got suckered into a Netflix and Ice Cream chill. LOL. He walked out side to meet me and gave me a hug. Which I thought was a nice gesture. He told me his dad was home but we could watch some movies in the living room. His family’s house was quite nice. We definitely had our own privacy with the way in which the living room was set up. I wish I remember what movie it was but I feel like it was some sort of action type movie. But give me a break this was a few years ago and I’m getting old and my memory is going bye bye. LOL.


Anyway, he had asked me what type of ice cream I had liked prior and I told him mint and chip. He brings me back this huge Dryer’s ice cream tub to eat out of. Which I thought was actually kind of cute. So we started talking about random things like where we went to school and what we wanted to be when we grew up (that sort of thing). He was actually a pretty cool guy. After a while conversation died out a little bit and that’s when he started making moves. Noe mind you his father is somewhere in this house. OH! I forgot to mention when I first got to his house when I walked in his dad was sitting at the kitchen table in his boxers and a like Hawaiian type shirt. Let’s just say he was not prepared and walked off pretty darn fast to go get dresses LOL.


Alright Fast forward back to the make out part of the story. He was actually not too bad of a kisser. I feel like you can tell a lot about a person based on their kiss. I was totally into it. At one point we were laying down horizontal on the couch just eating each other’s faces. After a while I came back up for air and realized it was starting to get late and i should get going to hang out with my friend. He said he understood but he wanted to see me tomorrow. I thought sure why not.


The next day…


The next day he told me to meet him down in Newport Beach because his family owned a beach house. I thought that was pretty cool and I said I would love to hang out with him for the day. I probably got there about 11am and parked down in Newport on this little one way street. The view was absolutely amazing. He was literally right by the beach. It was within walking distance and it would take just a bike ride to get to the pier. When I got there he greeted me with a kiss which was super sweet of him to do. I really kinda dug this guy. Upon entering the house I realized that everyone in his family must have wanted to spend their Friday at the beach. I ended up meeting his two aunts and his grandma. To say I felt a little uncomfortable is an understatement. I knew going into this that I probably wouldn’t seem him again because of spring break being over. I went to school in LA and he went to school in Davis. Those two places are not close to each other what so ever.


Anyway, I met all of them and they seemed pretty nice. Goofy Guy ended up saying we should go get some food. We biked to this little taco place called Great Mex. It was pretty darn good and I am a sucker for tacos! We again had random conversation and it was never awkward. We decided to head back because he said he had something else planned for me. We got back and we put the bikes back in the garage. He had this boat in there and he said we were going to take it for a spin. Can I tell you that boat ride was so fun. We got to see all these other really nice yachts and boats. It was exhilarating to say the least! He even let me steer! I was a little nervous though because I did NOT want to wreck his boat. But I didn’t so woot woot! We ended up stopping in the middle somewhere and he put country music on. I had told him how I was looking forward to going Β to Stage Coach so I’m assuming that’s why he did that! Which again I thought was so sweet of him for remembering. Not only that but he pulled out a bottle of red wine! He literally paid attention to everything I had ever told him. Which again was super super sweet. At that moment I knew we were both getting some that night! LOL. We ended up falling asleep out there on the boat. Which I think was super romantic. I fell asleep to him humming a country song. Eventually the sun started to set and we both thought it would be good to head back. When we got back his family had ordered Mexican food and invited me to stay for dinner. I can never say no to Mexican food even though we ate it for lunch. His grandma asked me what I like to drink which I’m assuming she meant like some sort of tea or lemonade. I was completely wrong and she meant alcoholic drink. She was having a Gin and Tonic and I said I would have whatever she was drinking. Boy, one sip of that I felt like I was drunk. We ended up having a real good time. It was starting to get later and later and eventually Goofy Guy said he thinks it would be a good idea if I stayed over because he didn’t feel comfortable with me driving home with alcohol in his system. His grandma had no problem with it she just said we would have to sleep in different rooms.


Eventually, the family all started heading off to bed while we were watching movies on the couch. Probably about a hour after everyone went to bed I thought it was time to work my magic. I pulled him by the hand and pulled him into the room in which I would be sleeping. I started kissing on him, his lips, his neck. I was so into it. He finally caught on to what I was trying to start and he began to kiss me aggressively which I was all about. I got on top of him since that is my signature move and rode him into ecstasy. His, not mine. HE LASTED LIKE 2 MINUTES and that is me being generous. To say I was annoyed it an understatement. I mean come on. I know I’m good but not that good. So I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt since he probably hadn’t done it in a while. I told him we should head back to the living room to finish watching the movie. The movie ended probably about 30 minutes later and I thought I would attempt sex again. I pulled him back into the room and got back on top. This time it was probably FOUR MINUTES. FOUR FUCKING MINUTES! Can you believe that? I was so disappointed. He ended up kissing me good night and walking into the room he would be sleeping in. I went to bed so let down I’m surprised I even fell asleep.


The next morning I woke up to the smell of pancakes so of course I got my hungry ass up to investigate. His grandmother invited me over to sit down and eat breakfast with her. She started talking about Goofy Guy as a kid and his older sister. I definitely felt bad because she was so sweet but so naive. I knew I would never see this guy again especially as god awful the sex was. I mean come on. I gave him 2 chances to redeem himself but he let me down LOL. His grandma started talking about how I should come down in a few weeks when his sister comes down so I can meet her. I told her it sounded fun but I would be starting school again so I didn’t want to promise her anything. I realized it was starting to get later in the morning and I had to go to work. I took a shower at their place and went back into the bedroom to get my stuff. I realized as I was grabbing everything the sheets had blood on them. PERIOD BLOOD. I fucking started my period that night as I f*cked Goofy Guy. At that point I had to make a decision leave the sheets how they were and cover them by the comforter or steal the sheets and let them think I’m a thief. I picked the first option. Leave them there and let him have to explain the mess. It definitely looked like we had sex because the aftermath of it was spotty and not all in one place. I felt bad but didn’t since my vagina wasn’t used wisely.


I then headed off to work.



He texted me a few days later saying he had a lot of fun but he wasn’t sure if a long distance relationship would work. I found this almost comical. Boy, even if you didn’t live in Davis I wouldn’t be with you. I can’t date a guy whose sex last 2 minutes. I mean personality wise he was great but if you can’t satisfy my hunger it isn’t going to work. It was nice to know you though πŸ˜‰


And that was it.


I’m kind of curious though who discovered the bloody sheets. The world may never know…


14 thoughts on “The One Night Stand’s Grandma Made Me Breakfast

  1. Fun fun read… I wish we men understood that sex is both talent and skill which requires practice..Now to get more practice, more women should be wiling to have sex, but if women have more sex just for enjoyment, they are judge or shammed.
    So if men were not judgmental then more women, more practice, better sex..
    It is a circle..

    Liked by 1 person

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