Dating · Uncategorized

He Had the Nerve to Ask Me to Suck His (You Know What)

As the title states a date that turned upside completely by this guy who was ballsy enough to ask me for a BJ. This was one of my very first Tinder dates and I was completely appalled after the date. You would think I would have given Tinder up after that but I didn’t. Anyway here’s the story….


So as mentioned above it was my first time trying out Tinder. I was a young hopeful city girl looking to get into the dating scene. I was completely oblivious of what was actually out there.


This guy whose name I forgot because he was a douche anyway asked me to dinner in Santa Monica at this place called Hillstone. It was a pretty cool place and I had never dined in Santa Monica so it was something different. He seemed like a pretty cool guy. He was originally from Michigan and talked a lot about family as well as what he did for fun. I talked about being new to college and I had just joined the cheer team which took up most of my time. As time came to order he decided it was best to order for me. EXCUSE ME. Do I look like I need you to order for me? Also, if you were going to order for me in the first place why the hell did you even “allow” me to look at the menu. Trifilin’


Anyway, I decided to let that slide because maybe he had been to the restaurant before and wanted me to taste a little bit of everything they had to offer. The conversation was going well besides that and it was time to go. When the bill came he quickly set down his black card to pay. I didn’t even offer to pay after that. Since he was so fancy to have a black card. And yes! I was judging a little bit but oh well.


Fast forward to when we were walking back to the parking lot he asked if I wanted to come back to his place to hang out a little longer. I agreed. (I know I know, very predictable). I knew I wasn’t going to have sex with him but I didn’t think there would be harm in letting the date last a little longer since I had nothing to really go back to at home.


We get to his swanky condo in Santa Monica and it’s one of those places where you needed to have a key to both enter and exit which could ultimately backfire on me. However, being that I was young and naive I said fu*k it. We enter his place and I must say it was nicely decorated. He stated he had a roommate but he was never home so we wouldn’t be “bothered”. In my head I was thinking (boy if you don’t slow your roll) but I decided against saying that. We decided to check to see the TV what was playing. Obviously since it was well after 10pm there was close to nothing on so he decided to put it on Netflix. OF COURSE that is the go to but whatever. So we decided to watch some sort of action movie. I feel like it was the movie 300 or Gladiator. Almost instantly he decides to attack me and go straight to my mouth. At the time, I had just gotten out of a really long relationship so in my mind I was like (is this what dating is like?) and allowed it to happen.


It started getting pretty steamy and I would stop and come up with some lame excuse like I couldn’t breathe or that it was hurting my back to sit in that position. LOL looking back it’s almost comical.


So eventually I was getting pretty over it because by that point I was just like this is boring and I want to go home. He then starts to almost like push my head past his head. At this point I’m thinking like does he like want me to give him a hickey or what. I put my head backup and then he says “CAN YOU JUST LIKE, SUCK MY D*CK”. The F*CKING NERVE of that guy. Can you freaking believe that. UGH! But I had to be nice about it because then I probably would’ve been trapped there since I don’t exactly have the key to get out. So I put on my little sweet and innocent voice and said ” I’ll save that for the next date ;)” just saying those words made me want to gag. He actually fell for it and said okay I’ll walk you out because it’s getting late. Of course, now that he wasn’t getting what he wanted he wanted me out.


After that I got to my car and zoomed out of there quickly as hell. I messaged him one word “douchebag” and blocked him. I’m sure he got the hint after that.



Moral of the story: don’t let guys think because they bought you dinner they deserve a nice little BJ because they don’t. Know your worth.


Oh! And by the way he was no where NEAR hot enough to have demanded a BJ! HMMMPH. I mean he was attractive but not THAT attractive.


Urban Dictionary: Trifilin’ =

Somthing Bad, or somthing dirty. Just a goofy word to say. See Trippin’.
Oh My god Those two are trifilin!!! Aww shoo, he be trifilin!
by youzbetrifilin January 07, 2011
Dating · Uncategorized

These Blog Posts are Starting to Make Me Look Like a Hoochie

I must admit when I turned 21 and had a nice job I thought I was hot stuff. I mean I still am but I mean I thought I was even hotter stuff. Anyway, in this section of As Told By Mua I decided to talk about how I fell for a guy who was never going to work out in the first place.


Mr. Sunflower I think would be a great name for him and you’ll understand why in just a bit. I had been talking to him for a couple weeks before we met up just constantly texting back and forth getting to know each other. We decided to just meet up at his house and watch movies. I know what you guys are thinking I got suckered into the whole “Netflix and Chill” and I sure the hell did. I met him at his house which I want to throw out there I did not learn my lesson the last time I did this as you can see. So anyway, I met him at his house and he had a single sunflower in his hand when I pulled up in front of his place. Which I thought was beyond sweet because he knew that was my all time favorite flower.


I immediately thanked him and gave him a kiss on the cheek because it was such a sweet gesture. For this date since I knew wasn’t even really a date I dressed down in some cute blue jeans and a nice flowy top. As we got into his house I saw that one of his roommates was there but they quickly excused themselves upstairs so that they weren’t a third wheel which I understood. Mr. Sunflower then asked me if I would like anything to drink and I said sure and followed him into the kitchen. I was pleasantly surprised the kitchen was spotless being that he shared a place with 3 other guys. He offered me water or wine and I definitely said yes quickly to the wine.

After he had a hard time opening the wine bottle (which he bought my favorite kind knowing I was coming over), I helped out and we were able to open it together. We walked back into the living room and he said I could pick a movie. This is always a HORRIBLE idea because I take forever looking through each genre to find the perfect one. I think I settled on Clueless which I mean is my all time favorite movie and I was testing him to see if he would complain about it. He didn’t which I liked. The whole movie we would awkwardly get closer to each other to see if the other would react to it. In the end we made out (classic me) and from there it escalated pretty quickly.

  • As a disclaimer I’m usually not one to have sex on the first date but he was so sweet and sexy I just couldn’t resist.

Okay back to the story…


As I said it escalated pretty quickly and I went from sitting on the couch beside him to dry humping him on his lap. And can I say WOW he was very good in the tongue department and I even moaned. Which for me I never do especially knowing his roommate was upstairs. Anyway, I let him carry me up the stairs while kissing which is THE GREATEST THING EVER. I literally felt like I was in one of those romance movies but there was no rain and there was no marriage after lol.

So we went upstairs and did our thing. I decided it would be best to leave out some of the more intimate details so that at the end of this you guys still see me as an angel. Which I think has been thrown out the widow a long time ago.

After the first round I will say there were two more and at one point we had to stop midway because the condom broke and I was not going to have some random guys baby. Again I know probably too much info.


So I ended up falling asleep at his house and he CUDDLED me. SUPER SUPER sweet guy. He walked me to my car the next day and kissed me goodbye. We ended up seeing each other and having a few more Netflix and Chill dates. I knew it wasn’t anything serious but it was nice to have a little “friend” to see once in a while to let go some of the built up stress that can occur.

However, I decided to tell him I was going to get on birth control because I didn’t want any mishaps to occur because we weren’t officially dating and I thought it would be another great preventative measure. After I told him that he kinda got weird about it.

Then like a week or two later before we were supposed to “hang out” he mentioned that an old ex was in town and that he felt bad because he still had feelings for her. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t crushed because I definitely was. But, I knew we weren’t anything serious so I couldn’t get mad about it.


Fast forward a few months later and he messaged me out of the blue telling me he missed me. I swear EVERYONE always comes back to me. I’m just that great 😉 lol.


Anyway, I wasn’t rude and by that time I was talking to someone but it was nothing too serious. I just thought it was dumb on his part to try to talk to his ex when it didn’t work out the first time around.He sent me this long essay telling me everything about me he remembered which was actually surprising because he had everything we ever talked about down to a tee. Like my favorite animal, my ambitions, just little things like that.


I decided to give him another chance and we agreed to meet up that next week and he was going to actually take me out and not just stay indoors. So the day before I decided to text him to just verify it was still on for the next day. He didn’t write me back for hours and said “sorry, but you’re going to hate me”. He explained to me that he ended up going back to his ex and they were dating currently. By that point I was so upset and saw him as a totally different guy then what I thought he was. He stated that he didn’t want to be with her but didn’t want to hurt her feelings because he has known her since he was little. I didn’t even respond after that because I was so upset by that point.


Again, he messages me a few months later and said he lied about being with his ex and was just too scared because he was falling for me. By this point I called Bullsh*t. I wanted nothing to do with him. I let him know that it was dumb to lie to me twice and now everything he says I don’t know whch is the truth or a lie. I decided it was best to just block him and keep it pushing. I thought he was this really nice, sweet guy but ended up being some lying douchebag. From time to time I do think about him because we did ultimately become great friends and we were so comfortable around each other. However, I could never go back to what we were because he ruined that with lies.



Moral of this story: sex buddies never work out because you end up getting attached.

Also, DO NOT LIE. It ends up coming back around and you just look like a dick. The end.



Dating · Uncategorized

That One Time I Went on a Date with a Scientologist… or so I think?

Hey guy! Welcome back to As Told By Mua. I apologize for the late post but you know it’s difficult to have a life when you have school, work, family, etc. I’m sure you guys understand. Anyway…


So, as the the title states I think I went on a date with a Scientologist, nice guy but I thought he was a little strange. Anyway, so we met on Tinder per usual and we decided to meet up for dinner during the week.

We were going to meet in this nice restaurant in Huntington Beach on Main street called Cucina Alessa. BEAUTIFUL restaurant and very romantic because there were no bad ass kids running around or large groups of people over talking the whole restaurant.

I felt bad upon meeting him because I was 45 MINUTES late. That is way over being fashionably late that was just plain rude. To be fair, I let my mother borrow my car while hers was in the shop and she took FOREVER and a DAY to come back with my car. I swear I apologized to him over 20 times on my way there. He was very nice about it and didn’t even leave which I was very surprised at. Especially because I know if the roles were switched I definitely would’ve went home after 20 minutes of sitting in a restaurant by myself with no date in sight.

As I walked into the restaurant I searched high and low for my date and the server knew exactly who I was looking for and led me upstairs to Surfer Boy.

Authors Notes: I chose Surfer Boy because he looked like your typical surfer guy with a nice tan and sun bleached hair with of course my fave blue eyes.


Back to the story….


I apologized once more when I saw him in person and he was so kind and told me not to worry about it and that he was just glad that I made it. How sweet right?


Right away we just engaged in conversation talking about random stuff like where we grew up to our favorite color. However, the conversation went into a whole other direction when he brought up religion. Now, don’t get me wrong I like to think I’m pretty out there myself and I’m not shy to talk about myself. However, I thought it was a little strange he began to talk about how him and his family belonged to a cult growing up. This definitely caught my attention and listened to everything he had to say.

He explained he lived in this small community where everyone knew each other and how no one veered far from the community. He wasn’t allowed to date anyone outside of his faith. He stated that his father was the one who brought his family into this “cult” and that his mother and his siblings got out once the father died. I wish I could remember every little detail of what he told me but this happened a few years ago and we didn’t exactly keep in contact after the date.

After dinner we decided to walk around the pier and I would ask him questions of his family dynamic now that his family was out of this cult life. He stated his younger brother lived in San Francisco with his girlfriend and that is where his mother lives too. He stated that he moved down here to get away from it all and never have to worry about people from the past popping back up in his life. He explained how he always loved to surf and that’s why he moved closer to the beach.

He was extremely cute but his eyes were void as if he didn’t have a soul. I swear I’m not trying to be mean but he looked like he was possessed at some points in our conversation like he wasn’t all there. I mean I still made out with him lol. I was just curious is really why I did it. He was EXTREMELY awkward about it. I’m assuming he didn’t make out with too many people while in this cult let alone hug a girl. He was nice but something about him gave me the heebie jeebies. I thanked him for the date and went on my way. We probably messaged back and forth for a few weeks but neither one of us made an attempt to meet up again.


Lesson learned: if he has no soul, listen to your gut and let it go.


No, I’m kidding that was a little harsh. Nice guy, HORRIBLE kisser.




Until next time….

Dating · Uncategorized

Rebound Gone Bad

Hello everyone and welcome to my 4th blog post! I think it’s 4 but I’m a little too lazy to go back and check so don’t quote me!


Anyway… Rebound Gone Bad begins


So, as USUAL I meet up with a guy I met on Tinder. Super cute like All American type of guy who just graduated from Nevada State. He was super tall literally like 6’8″ and I am not exaggerating at all. Super freakishly tall dude. Blonde hair, blue eyes which is always my type. We talked for a little bit before meeting up and he seemed normal. Key word in that sentence was SEEMED. Though I must admit my undercover skills made me look a little crazy but you’ll learn about that in a little bit.


So, our “date” and I will use that word loosely was at a mall. Again, date was a strong word. We just walked around the mall and just kind of talked about normal stuff. He was big into the Dodgers and I am a big Angels fan. So we would talk about which team was better and sort of joked around in that sense. The conversation wasn’t bad but I can’t say this was a great date. We literally walked around for like 2-3 hours. At one point in time I said we should just sit on a bench because all we did was walk around in a circle and he agreed. We then (as many as my dates end up) , kissing on the park bench. By no means was it aggressive it just kind of happened. However, he liked grabbed me and tried to have me sit on his lap which was very very odd and alarming. Also, while he was kissing me he shifted towards me and I could feel his ding dong through his pants. I swear if I was a shade darker I probably would have been red as a tomato. I decided by that point it became a little much for a public place. We decided at that point we should part ways.



After that we talked here and there but nothing too crazy. He texted me and said he just got really nervous when he was with me and he said he didn’t mean to come off strong and he apologized. I accepted it and I thought it would be worth a try to hang out again. He actually brought me lunch to my job one day since he worked close and he gave me a kiss on the cheek. Which I thought was super cute.


Anyway, fast forward a few days and he popped up on my “People you may know” on Facebook and there was a girl in the profile picture. Me being the nosy person that I am decide I should look at his pictures. I click his pictures and I see even more pictures of the girl from his profile picture. She looked very identical to me except her hair was longer and curlier then mine. Which again I can’t say I don’t date guys similar but this was almost freakishly weird even to me. Then, I decided to check out the girl’s Facebook and she too even had pictures of him throughout her Facebook wall. At this point I’m thinking what a douche. He is on Tinder while he has a girlfriend!

I then ask my friend London to message the girl on Instagram which I found (LOL) to see if she was still dating the guy. I know that might come off as weird because I admit at the time felt weird doing it but I didn’t want to ask him because I figured he would lie about it. So my friend messages the girl and she reads it and doesn’t respond. So at this point I’m like well maybe they broke up recently? I’m not so sure.


So, then he messages me a few weeks later and wants to meet  up. I then ask him straight up like “Hey, you popped up on my Facebook and I noticed a girl…” His response was like “Yeah, that’s my ex girlfriend we broke up a few weeks ago due to the distance”. He then went on and on about why it didn’t work and that he missed her. I was the straight up rebound girl who had similar attributes. What was also strange is that she also a cheerleader just like me and we had the same major. At that point I felt like such an asshole because I had someone message her when she was probably still heartbroken which I could see was the case for him as well. I decided by that point I should just not talk to him because I’m sure when he saw me he only thought of her.


Fast forward to like a few months later and he texts me “did you message my ex girlfriend”. I swear my heart dropped. I read it and didn’t reply for like a few hours because I was SO embarrassed. But, I had to respond because I felt so bad. I ended up telling him why I did it and he understood. Thank God but still. But, that was the end of the conversation really nothing happened after that.


He recently popped up on my Instagram as people I might want to add and he is dating a girl AGAIN who looks very very similar to me. I swear like a doppelganger.



So, if there is anything I have learned is be UPFRONT and HONEST with the person you are talking to. Otherwise, you will end up looking like a CREEP and he won’t wanna date you. On the other hand, it is good to snoop but don’t assume from what you see.


Pshhhhh who am I kidding. I still creep and stalk the people I talk to because you never know!

Dating · Uncategorized

Discovering Myself (Non-Tinder Date Story)

Quick question before the start of this. Is it really lame that I’m giving such basic titles for the stories? Or should I just name the title after the Tinder date I went on? It seems like this is what this blog might be about most if not all the time. I need suggestions my creativity isn’t my strong point, I’m just a talker.




Tinder. Oh, how I love how easy it is to swipe left and right on a boring day at home. Tinder has definitely taught me more about myself then I ever would have thought. It’s taught me how superficial I can be and I am quick to swipe left on a guy who is shorter than 5’10. It has also taught me that I only date guys with blue eyes and I never swipe right otherwise. My first crush was Andrew Williams in second grade who was a fiery red-headed with blue eyes who also did motocross with his family on weekends. My first celebrity crush was/is Zac Efron. Have you seen the body on the man? MMM MMM MMM. Honestly, I would probably drop what I was doing if he ever gave me the opportunity.

Also, Tinder made me feel really good about myself. In my precious post I mentioned I had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship. At that time he was my first ever boyfriend and my first ever love. However, after the relationship ended I felt I needed a new sort of identity. I was with that same person for so long I lost myself.


With the help of this little dating app I was able to go out and experience different things. I was also able to become more confident in myself. I started to wear more provocative clothing and going out to bars and clubs. I was complimented all the time from these men and I ate it up. It did change me for the worst for a bit but I felt it was something I needed to experience. I was a little cut throat once I discovered my level of hotness being 50 on a 1-10 scale. My about me on Tinder used to read  “Swipe left only if you look like Zac Efron”.

Looking back I would not change any of it. Along the way I learned about myself and I learned that I deserved better.


I know this blog turned out to be a little more inspirational/not so sure but I think it would be good to switch it up so you understand who I am.


I am a California girl who grew up in a big city. I got to experience life outside of my own comfort zone and it really helped shape me today.


On a more conceited note, I learned that I was BEAUTIFUL, SEXY, GORGEOUS, HOT and everything else under the sun.

I think every one deserves to feel that way. Don’t you?






Dating · Uncategorized

Tinder Chronicles pt 2

Sorry it’s been a bit from my last post but midterms had me dragging about.

Anyway… get ready for the story of BMW Mormon. ( also, I don’t have a problem with people who drive BMWs or that are Mormon)
So BMW Mormon I met up at BJ’s. He picked me up from my house and gave me a hug on introduction. Also, he walked to the other side of the car to open my door which I thought was so nice of him to do.

As we get to BJ’s he is making casual conversation. He asked all the right questions like what I did for work and where I was going to school. He began talking about where he came from (which I totally forgot but I think like Utah?). He explained his family owned a lot of land there. Which I took as “I’ve always had money”. I forgot to mention he picked me up in a brand spanken new BMW that had no license plates and he was wearing a really fancy suit. Which I mean he definitely knows how to dress but I felt totally under dressed for this BJs date. Anyway, he decided to order a pizza we could share since I took forever to decide what to eat.

The date was going well but I kind of felt he was too good for me in a way? He talked about all his accomplishments and how he travels a lot for work. He worked for this solar panel company and he’s like a door to door salesman. He was very attractive so I can see how people would be inclined to want to buy from him.

After dinner we decided to go back to his place for drinks. Why I thought this was a good idea I couldn’t tell you. We pulled up to this super nice condo in Huntington Beach he said he was renting out because he never knows how long he is going to stay in one place. His roommate was there and he was really nice and they had a few people over. We all were drinking mixed drinks (probably cranberry and vodka since I was a noob). Anyway, it was a lot of fun and by 11pm I probably had more to drink than I should of.

He then asked if I wanted to stay over a little longer before we left. I said sure why not because it was Saturday night and it wasn’t like I was going to do anything when I got home anyway.

Fast forward to the boring ass movie he put on. It was the movie based on Johnny Cash. Omg it was straight snoozeville and I tried really hard not to fall asleep. But, in the end I fell asleep because I mean come on. I wake up like 2 hours later and I’m thinking OMG I barely know this guy and I fell asleep at his house.
I started to wake him up (told you boring movie) and he reached across to kiss me. We had kissed a little bit during the movie but not too much. Anyway this became like a super huge make out session. After it got a little too heavy he decided he shouldn’t continue and said we should go to bed.

By this point I was like he’s probably not going to kill me so might as well. So we fell asleep and the next day I woke him up by kissing him. Things got a little crazy again and he stopped mid dry hump. LOL. Sorry I had to add that in there because looking back I feel so ridiculous.

Anyway he drove me home and we never talked again.


We texted maybe a few times after but that was it. He ended up moving to like Arizona or something.
Lesson learned: don’t fall asleep at a strangers house no matter how tired you are or how cute they might be.

Also don’t drink more than one drink because you make bad decisions.

Also, due to Facebook showing those “people you may know” he popped up recently. And guess what? He’s married…….
Oh, also never date a guy you felt like he was better than you because it made the thing like super uncomfortable and I felt like he judged me. Especially after the awkward dry hump attempt to get in his pants. I forgot he was Mormon and that was not going to fly.

But yeah. That’s the end of that story. Stay tuned for Guy Who Dates Girls that Look Related. It’s a little sketch on my part but you’ll see why.


Tinder Chronicles

So hey guys. This will be my first official official blog post. So I’m sure most of you know what tinder is. The reason why I downloaded tinder is because I had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship (which was a waste of time). Anyway, so I downloaded the app right and it was pretty cool to say the least. All of these hot guys you can swipe right on and tons of not so attractive guys you can swipe left on. I learned the best way to get someone’s attention is to have great pics as well as a great about me. I must say however that at times I can be a little full of myself and it was quite evident from my profile. In the end, I had a lot of matches and was excited to try them out (not in the way that you’re thinking). So my first day who I shall give a nickname to was “Too Low V for Me”. So as mentioned I met this guy on tinder and he seemed nice and wanted to meet that weekend. I thought sure why not he seems like a nice guy with a nice body. LOL. Anyway, skip to date night. We meet a bar that was local to HIM. I should’ve taken that as a red flag but hey it was my first dating experience outside of my long term relationship. I got to this bar and it was so over the top loud. I wish I could remember the name so I could tell you not to go there. They had a live band that played the entire time which is actually pretty cool. However, this is not the type of place you go to on a first date. So, I see him walk in and he is wearing a super tight super low cut V neck shirt. His pants were equally as tight. Which I mean I guess can be fashionable to some people. Did I forget to mention this guy is in his early 30s? Too Low V For Me walks up to me and hugs me so tight I can’t breathe which wasn’t a good first impression. He then starts to go on and on and on and on about his self. I learned that he works on a oil rig and makes pretty good money. He then decided to tell me he would be turning 31 and is going to the Aspens with his parents. Which I mean congrats to him because that sounds exciting but I mean with your parents? Also, while he was talking I couldn’t help but to stare at his super thick black chest hair that was curling out of his shirt. I just could NOT focus. After he had his 3rd drink he excused him to the bathroom. Our bartender then took the time to talk to me and he said that he felt bad for me. I asked him why and he said, ” well it’s obvious that this guy is gay”. At that point, i bursted out laughing because i almost got that same vibe but didn’t want to judge the guy. Not that I have a problem with gay people but it was just kinda weird the whole time. After Too Low V For Me came back he brought out his phone and began to show me pictures/videos of his pet dogs. Can you guess what kind of dogs they were? MALTIPOO. Which I believe are incredibly adorable dogs but it struck me as a little strange. So after a while I realized it was starting to get late and told him that I had to work in the morning. He then asked if I could hang out at his place for a little. Which I kindly declined. However, he would not take no for an answer. He began to beg and plead and I started to sort of feel bad for the guy. I then stated sure. I told him I would follow behind him. As I entered my car I thought there is no way in hell I was going back to his place. So, as he turned left out of the drive way I turned right to head towards the freeway. I immediately blocked his number and that was the end of that. First tinder date was very unsuccessful.